Some of the most difficult things for a head of the household to talk about, particularly if that HoH is male, are their emotions.  I (Clint) know that since, well, I’m an HoH and after just two sentences into this, I can already tell this post isn’t going to be an easy one to write.  For most HoHs, particularly men, talking about emotions is about as fun as passing a kidney stone or having a root canal done.  But when it comes to living the domestic discipline lifestyle, there’s no doubt that emotions are a huge part of it.  They’re important and they need to be covered here on LDD so those looking into the lifestyle get a sense of what to expect if they do, in fact, someday start living it.

  To keep things organized, I’ll break down the HoH emotions into two categories: positive emotions and negative emotions.  I always like to end on a positive note, so we’ll start with the negative emotions, and we’ll start with the worst one of them all.

  The following emotions pertain to the head of the household in a domestic discipline relationship.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS (HOH)

  • Anger – It has been covered extensively on LDD that acting on anger is a big no-no in a domestic discipline relationship.  That hasn’t changed and never will.  However, that doesn’t mean the emotion of anger doesn’t pop up from time to time.  It can, and it does at times.  It’s how the HoH handles that anger that’s important.

  Anger is an emotion that an HoH should NEVER act on.  It’s as simple as that.  If an HoH becomes angry, they must do whatever it takes to get themselves back to a calm, reasonable, rational, level-headed, and collected state before making any decision, or carrying out any punishment.  Period. 

  • Apprehension – When it comes to discipline, particularly discipline spankings, it’s natural for an HoH to be a bit hesitant to proceed with the punishment in the heat of the moment.  There’s a sense of uneasiness, uncomfortableness, or a feeling of reluctance that is sometimes felt just before administering a punishment.  

  In my own personal experience and from what I’ve learned from others, most HoHs don’t WANT to punish their partners – they feel as though they HAVE to in order to protect/care for them, and to keep the home dynamic functioning smoothly.  When you really think about this, it would be a bit concerning if an HoH actually enjoyed the act of punishing their partner and looked forward to it, right?  Yeah, that’s generally not the case.  It’s not easy to punish.

Addressing Spanking Issues – Hesitation

  • Second Guessing – It’s rare to get an HoH to admit to this, but make no mistake about it – second guessing does happen.  Did I make the right decision?  Am I spanking effectively?  Was my decision fair to my partner?  Did my lecture really get through to them?  Did I explain myself clearly?   Am I asking myself too many questions? 

  I’m not afraid to admit that I have an internal dialogue with these type of questions all the time, and I tell you what, they can nearly send an HoH to the nuthouse.  That just comes with the enormous responsibility of being the head of the household.

  • Stress/Pressure – As head of the household, the pressure to make the correct decisions, to set the best example at all times, and to lead the family in a fair, productive, safe, intelligent, happy, and healthy direction is entirely on you.  Your decisions affect the ENTIRE family, and will affect the future of every single person around you.  Need I say more?  That’s pressure.  That’s stressful.

  The good news about stress and pressure is that it typically brings out the best in an HoH.  That’s precisely what the relationship and the family deserve – the absolute best from the HoH at all times.

  • Guilt/Remorse/Sorrow – An HoH is a human being, which means they’re going to make mistakes too.  Those mistakes can often leave an HoH feeling guilty, sorry, and/or remorseful.  When it comes to guilt/remorse/sorrow, at least the submissive partner gets to be punished (yes submissive partners, I said gets) to wash away the guilt.  For an HoH, relieving the feeling of guilt isn’t that simple.

  Depending on how much a poor decision affects the relationship and/or family, guilt in an HoH can sometimes linger for days.  I’m here to tell you it can take a toll on an HoH, but the sooner things can be made right again, the sooner the guilt goes away.

FAQs – “Husband Accountability” Edition

  • Disappointment/Frustration – To say one will get frustrated at various times in their relationship is kind of like saying water will be wet or the sun will rise from the east.  That’s just the way it is.  Your partner may do or say something that’s extremely disappointing and/or frustrating to you, but again, it’s all in how these emotions are handled that make an HoH a truly great one.

  To be brief, anytime an HoH experiences disappointment and/or frustration, it’s best for them to remain calm (or take time to get calm) and make all decisions when thinking clearly.   

POSITIVE EMOTIONS (HOH)

  • Happiness – Happiness in a domestic discipline relationship comes in many forms.  The elevated emotional connection between partners brings happiness.  Improved behavior in both partners brings happiness.  Better communication between partners brings happiness.  Fewer arguments and fewer disagreements between partners brings happiness.  If living the domestic discipline lifestyle doesn’t make you happy, you’re doing it wrong.  It’s as simple as that.

  • Confidence/Pride – When an HoH makes a great decision – a decision that ultimately proves to be beneficial for the entire family – naturally their confidence grows.  They’re the decision maker.  They’re the leader.  They’re the disciplinarian.  They’re the head of the house.

  When an HoH leads their family down a healthy and productive path, and protects their partner and children from harm, they should feel pretty darn good about themselves.  They’re doing their duty as an HoH and parent.  Any HoH should feel proud of that. 

  • Relief – There are many moments of relief for an HoH in a domestic discipline relationship.   Relief that the punishment is in the past.  Relief that their partner learned from their mistakes/punishment.  Relief that everyone is now smarter, safer, and healthier.  Relief after guilt from making a mistake is gone.  Relief is a good feeling, and one that is experienced often by an HoH.

  • Feeling Needed, Appreciated, and Admired – These emotions speak for themselves.  There’s no greater feeling to an HoH than knowing their partner and children need them, appreciate them, and admire them for leading the family.  All of these emotions are felt by an HoH in a domestic discipline relationship.  

  The family needs leadership and direction from the HoH, the submissive partner appreciates their HoH stepping up to help them become a better person (which, in turn, makes the HoH a better person), and the submissive partner admires their HoH for being the authority of the house.  Any HoH should feel pretty good about that.

  • Love/Intimacy – An HoH already loves their partner.  That goes without saying (I hope).  But when an HoH regularly goes through very intimate experiences with their partner (like spanking for instance, even for discipline reasons), it strengthens and enhances that love connection on a much deeper level.  Embracing the one you love after an intimate spanking experience is a powerful moment for both partners.  You’re reminded how much you truly love your partner.  That love increases and strengthens with each intimate experience. 

  Are these emotions part of a relationship that does NOT include domestic discipline within it?  Sure they are.  Every single person in any relationship dynamic is going to experience these emotions from time to time.  That’s just life.  However, in a domestic discipline relationship, these emotions are magnified and intensified, and in a lot of cases need to be handled differently.

  Not everyone is prepared to handle the heightened intensity of these emotions, particularly when first starting out with the domestic discipline lifestyle.  This lifestyle requires a couple to put themselves in certain situations that they generally are not accustomed to.  These situations trigger different emotions – some negative and some positive – that often require a very different approach to handling them.  

  If you’re reading this and happen to be new to the domestic discipline lifestyle, you need to be prepared to experience these intensified emotions along the way.  Couples that have been practicing for years and years still experience heightened intensity of these emotions from time to time.  These emotions are part of what it means to live with domestic discipline a part of your relationship.  Expecting them, understanding them, and knowing how to appropriately handle them gives you an advantage to achieving long term success with your domestic discipline practices. 

– Clint

© 2013 Learning Domestic Discipline