Within a domestic discipline relationship/marriage, there are several different types of punishments that can be administered, most of which are pretty straight forward. We plan on going into elaborate detail with each one, and we’ll start with one of the most basic punishments – corner time (also referred to as a time out).
Corner time (or time out) is probably exactly what you’re thinking. The submissive partner stands in a corner of a room for a period of time. The idea is for the submissive partner to think about what they did wrong and WHY it’s a problem without any outside distractions. There is a lot more to it than just the submissive partner standing in the corner for a few minutes. We’ll break this punishment down step-by-step in just a moment.
We understand corner time is widely perceived as a juvenile or “childish” punishment, and to be perfectly honest with you, it is. We’re not going to argue with that. Our rebuttal to that point is this – We’re strong advocates for having the punishment fit the “crime.” Corner time is only recommended to be administered when, essentially, the submissive partner is behaving like a child. This is a light punishment, and it’s a reasonable and appropriate punishment when the submissive partner throws a fit, doesn’t listen, begins to nag, or displays any other minor behavior that is immature, annoying, or completely uncalled for and unnecessary.
On to the break down.
Step 1: Once the head of the household decides to use corner time as punishment, it’s recommended they communicate a couple of things to the submissive partner before requiring them to stand in the corner. First, it’s important the HoH tell their partner why they’re being punished, and what their punishment is. “Honey, since you are clearly having a hard time listening, you need to spend a few minutes in the corner and think about why it’s important to listen.“ Second, it’s important the HoH tell their partner how to handle the situation next time. “All I asked you to do was turn down the volume so I can focus on what I’m doing. Very simple. The last thing we need is this turning into an argument. A few minutes in the corner should be enough time for you to think about your behavior and why it’s a problem.“
Step 2: The HoH must determine the length of time the submissive partner is to stand in the corner. It’s recommended the starting time be seven minutes, and adding or subtracting time based on how the submissive partner handles themselves. If the HoH has to repeat themselves, it’s recommended that 2-3 additional minutes be added each time. If the HoH repeats themselves an excessive number of times, then the submissive partner is clearly indicating that they aren’t going to cooperate and it’s recommended the HoH escalate the punishment into bedroom time or a spanking, if necessary. BUT, on the same principle, if the submissive partner goes willingly and doesn’t argue, it’s recommended the HoH bump down the corner time by 2-3 minutes.
Step 3: The submissive partner must stand in the corner for the length of time the HoH has determined. It’s recommended they do so with their face to the wall to cut out any kind of distraction. The submissive partner needs to be thinking about their behavior, why it’s a problem, and how to fix it. The HoH has given their partner all of that information already in Step 1. It is also recommend that the same corner be used each time this punishment is administered. That way every time this punishment is conducted, the submissive partner will know right where to go, making things easier for both partners. If the submissive partner tries to leave the corner, it’s recommended the HoH add 2-3 minute to the overall length of the corner time punishment.
Step 4: Once the time is up, the HoH then informs their partner that the punishment is complete. It’s important that the HoH give their partner a hug, and comfort them afterward. It’s also important that the HoH ask their partner why they were in trouble, and get a clear verbal response. “Alright dear – you understand why you had to stand in the corner, right?“ It’s important the submissive partner respond with the correct answer so the HoH knows the punishment was effective.
Step 5: The HoH again reminds their partner on what to do next time. “All you had to do was turn the volume down. There was really no need to be so rude/immature about it. Had you just listened, you wouldn’t have been punished. Next time just listen to me so things don’t escalate into a punishment or an argument. Understood?“ The submissive partner indicates they understand, and the couple then continues on with their day.
Like we said earlier, there’s a lot more to this than just putting the submissive partner in the corner, as you can see. There’s a point behind everything the HoH does and says, and it’s important the HoH stay as calm as they possibly can. That isn’t always easy, but the HoH is the one setting the example, so it’s very important. This is how we recommend the corner time punishment be administered.
For more experienced domestic discipline couples, there are some corner time escalations to consider as well.
© 2011 Learning Domestic Discipline