Punishment #3: Beginner Level Spankings

There isn’t a more important punishment within a domestic discipline relationship/marriage than a spanking.  Spankings are also the most difficult to do, and the most misunderstood.  Spanking is such a complex form of punishment.  There is a lot that goes into doing this correctly, so this article will be a lengthy one to ensure that everything is as clear as it can possibly be.

We’re starting with a Beginner Level Spanking.  This post is specifically for those just starting out with domestic discipline, or those in the very early stages of domestic discipline.  We know many are far more advanced than this, so for the more experienced couples, we have Intermediate Level Spankings and Advanced Level Spankings.  Again, this post is specifically for those just starting out with domestic discipline and/or spankings.

We’ll start with a definition of what exactly a spanking is.  A spanking is a punishment in which the head of the household strikes the buttocks and/or sit spot of their life partner with their hand or an implement in an effort to correct an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior.  Spanking is only to be done in a calm, collected, level headed, reasonable, rational, and loving mannerThe head of the household MUST be calm and in complete control of themselves when administering a spanking.  Spankings, in a punishment scenario, should only be done when a mistake is made or poor judgment is used in order to correct negative behaviors for the greater good of the entire family.  Punishment spankings are NOT “fun”, “exciting”, or “sexual” activities to be done whenever a couple feels like it.  If you and your partner find spanking to be any of those things, you’re reading the wrong website.

If that last statement confuses you, read this.

Just as with corner time and bedroom time, we’ll break spanking down in a step-by-step process.  The following is a recommended guideline to be used as a template on how to appropriately and safely administer a punishment spanking:

Step 1: Spanking is for major offenses/mistakes, so the HoH will likely be upset to some degree about the behavior or poor judgment of the submissive partner.  Step one is that the HoH MUST get themselves calmed down.  Before doing anything else, the HoH must be in a calm and collected state of mind as to be in complete control of their actions.

Step 2: It’s recommended the HoH walk with their partner to the bedroom.  This doesn’t ALWAYS need to be done in the bedroom, but it is recommended to be done in the bedroom for intimacy and privacy reasons.  It’s recommended that the HoH place their arm around their partner and comfort them, since the submissive partner may be nervous to some degree.  The HoH should be firm, but understanding as well.  It’s recommended the HoH calmly encourage their partner to come with them and discuss what happened.

Step 3: Once the couple is in the bedroom, it’s recommended the HoH sit down with their partner on the bed (or a chair/couch if one in the bedroom) and conduct a lecture.  The lecture is extremely important.

Step 4: The HoH determines whether to spank over clothing, over underwear/pajamas, or bare-bottomed.  For more about the pros and cons of each option, click hereAlright sweetheart – let’s get this done.  I know it’s uncomfortable for you, but I’m going to need you to take down your pants please.  Let’s not drag this out any longer than we need to.

Step 5: The submissive partner then gets into spanking position.  The spanking positions are outlined here, and the most recommended position is the leaning over the bed position.  “Go ahead and get into position, dear.  The more you cooperate with this process, the faster it will be over with.  You’re doing great.  Thank you for cooperating.

Step 6: It’s recommended the HoH strike directly on the buttocks and/or sit spot of their partner with the chosen spanking implement(s).  A list of spanking implements, and the pros and cons of each, can be found here.  For beginners, it’s recommended either a hairbrush or a wooden spoon be used.  It is also recommended that the HoH use their non-spanking hand to assist their partner in keeping position by laying their non-spanking hand across the lower back of their partner.  The HoH then strikes their partner’s buttocks using between 1/3 and 1/2 of their strength, alternating cheeks.  The recommended number of strikes is 15 for beginners, adding or subtracting strikes based on the submissive partner’s cooperation level.  We do not recommend exceeding 20 strikes in any one setting (at the beginner level).  At the same time, we don’t recommend striking any less than 12 times, otherwise the spanking is not going to have much of an effect.

Step 7: Upon completion of the spanking, the HoH then comforts their partner.  This is absolutely vital to this entire process.  The HoH should NOT just leave their partner lying there, possibly crying, alone.  That’s the worst possible thing the HoH could do.  The submissive partner needs their HoH in their most vulnerable moments.  The HoH is recommended to embrace their partner, comfort them, kiss them, tell them they’re going to be okay, tell them everything is alright, and simply be there for them.  It’s recommended the HoH hold their partner and continue to comfort them until they’re completely calmed down.  This is usually done lying next to one another on the bed.

Step 8: Once the submissive partner is completely calmed down, it’s recommended the HoH then ask their partner again why they were punished so the HoH can ensure their partner understands the problem, and ensure they understand what to do next time to correct it.

Step 9: The HoH then gives their partner another hug and the couples goes on about their day/evening.

Step 10: Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking, or providing ice/lotion/aloe vera is not recommended.  Rubbing or providing a soothing pain reliever essentially defeats the purpose of the spanking.  The spanking must be painful to act as a deterrent to repeating the unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior in the future.  If the submissive partner uses lotion/ice, or if they starts rubbing their bottom without permission from the HoH, it’s recommended an additional punishment be administered.  We recommend starting with corner time and escalating from there as needed.

There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important.  This isn’t easy to do for both individuals involved.  It’s important that the HoH reward their partner for any and all cooperation throughout the process.  Reinforcing cooperation increases the likelihood of cooperation next time, which is helpful.

If this is your first time spanking, or if you’re in the very early stages of domestic discipline, the recommended steps for spanking outlined above will be great for introducing you to this process.  We think you’ll really start to see how the dynamic of domestic discipline works, and why it’s so helpful to a relationship/marriage.  Not only will both partners improve their behavior, but living this lifestyle will bring both partners SO much closer, emotionally, to one another.  That’s what domestic discipline is all about.  You’ll find out how much you truly love your partner after incorporating this practice into your relationship/marriage.  Feel free to ask any questions you may have in the comments.

Are Beginner Level Spankings yielding mild results?  Ready to take the next step?  If you answered yes to both of those questions, it’s time for you to move on to Intermediate Level Spankings.

© 2011 Learning Domestic Discipline

16 thoughts on “Punishment #3: Beginner Level Spankings

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  9. hey clint what if the couple is young, VERY young as in under 18 because of an aranged marrige. they bolth want to do it but I’m not sure, i told the that i would look into it for them

    1. Hello Malana,

      I would advise a young couple (under the age of 18) to wait on bringing domestic discipline into their relationship until they are of legal adult age. When it comes to a life long commitment such as marriage, there’s no rush with bringing the DD dynamic into it. There will be plenty of years to do that down the road. :)

      Good luck to you, and I wish you the very best in all that you do.

      — Clint

  10. I am grounded all week and will be receiving my first bare bottomed spanking on Friday. What’s the best way for me to prepare?

  11. There is certainly a great deal to learn about this
    issue. I love all of the points you have made.

    1. Thank you, Richard. Glad you enjoyed the post.

      All the best to you.

      — Clint & Chelsea

  12. I am pretty young (21) and in a domestic discipline relationship. Your blogs have been very helpful!
    One thing I am concerned with is that when I spank it isn’t hard enough. I am not sure how to tackle this.
    If I ask her, she will likely say too hard, trying to get less spankings. If I just go ahead and intensify the spankings, and they were already severe enough that would be bad.
    I am wondering what you would suggest.
    I know every situation is different, but a typical spanking for us is bare bottomed, hand spankings 20-40 swats. This sounds almost like a warm up for most people I think, but it is all I have been giving. One time she did get a slipper over leggings. I prefer bare though, I can make sure there is no damage that way.
    Thanks for any help!

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