Rubbing Before, During, and After a Spanking

Rubbing Before, During, and After a Spanking

Throughout this website we’ve indicated that rubbing the buttocks immediately after a spanking isn’t recommended, and why.  There are times, however, where rubbing the buttocks is beneficial to the entire spanking process.  The act of rubbing the buttocks has come up a few times in the comments recently, so we felt now was a good time to discuss the rubbing aspect of a spanking.  This entry will address rubbing before, during, and after the spanking process.


Rubbing the buttocks before a spanking isn’t recommended simply because it isn’t necessary.  This would do nothing to aid in the spanking process and holds no purpose when it comes to correcting the behavior.  The submissive partner may request this as a means of calming them down if they’re nervous, or to feel as though the HoH cares more, and in these instances it can be done if the HoH feels it necessary.  However, as a general recommendation, we advise against it.  It’s best to remain in “discipline mode” (for lack of a better term) to convey the message to the submissive partner that this is a punishment situation.


Throughout the entire spanking process, there are numerous recommended times for the HoH to rub the buttocks of their partner, with the only exception being a beginner level spankingWith beginner level spankings, rubbing the buttocks isn’t necessary at any point during the spanking process since it’s a relatively mild spanking that poses no threat of bruising (unless strikes are done at or near full force, which is not recommended).  However spanking at the intermediate or advanced level or any variation thereof, there are times during the process where rubbing IS recommended.

The first is rubbing immediately after the warm up spanking, just before the “main” spanking is conducted.  It’s recommended the HoH rub the buttocks for approximately 2-3 minutes at this point, and there are numerous reasons for that.  The first reason is the rubbing at this point will subdue the sting a bit.  The warm up spanking isn’t intended to be the correcting influence, but rather intended to “prepare” the buttocks for the remainder of the spanking.  The pain from the warm up should strictly be on the surface of the buttocks, and the rubbing will reduce the intensity of the sting.  This reduction in intensity isn’t detrimental to the correction of the behavior since the purpose of the warm up spanking is to prevent bruising only, not to correct the behavior.

The second reason rubbing after the warm up is recommended is that it prepares the nerves for the remainder of the spanking.  We touched on this in the previous paragraph – this will prevent bruising.  The nerves are brought to the surface of the buttocks during the warm up, and rubbing at this point will slightly reduce the inflammation of the nerves, but keep them on the surface.  This will keep the “main” spanking painful, but it will also reduce the risk of bruising.

The third reason is that the rubbing comforts the submissive partner in the middle of this process.  It’s important that HoHs keep their partners’ emotions in mind at all times.  Not only is the submissive partner dealing with the pain in their buttocks, but they’re also dealing with feelings of guilt, remorse, stress, among others.  Rubbing in this moment, even if only for 2-3 minutes, can really calm the submissive partner and relax them, as well as help them feel loved, cared for, and protected.  Those things are important in any relationship dynamic.

Spanking at the intermediate level or the advanced level also has breaks where rubbing the buttocks is recommended between sets of strikes for approximately two minutes.  This rubbing is done for a lot of the same reasons as the rubbing after a warm up spanking is done.  This is a calming influence and a loving gesture that reassures the submissive partner that their HoH cares and is in complete control of themselves.  This also slightly reduces the intensity of the sting BRIEFLY, which helps the submissive partner absorb the remainder of the spanking.  Rubbing at this point stimulates the nerves, and this is important so the nerves do not become numb to the remainder of the spanking.  As painful as the spanking process is, it’s important that the submissive partner not become numb to the strikes.  If that happens, the spanking loses it’s overall effectiveness.


Rubbing the buttocks immediately after a spanking isn’t something we recommend HoH do, nor allow their partners to do.  The key part of that sentence is “immediately after.”  There are times after the spanking where rubbing the buttocks is a good thing which we’ll explain in just a moment, but immediately afterward is not recommended.

It’s a very common, second nature reaction for submissive partners to want to rub their buttocks after a spanking.  It’s completely understandable and completely normal.  However doing this can be detrimental to the ultimate goal of correcting the initial unwanted, dangerous or detrimental behavior.  Rubbing the buttocks after the spanking will reduce the intensity of the sting, which is counter-productive to the purpose of a spanking.  The intense, burning/stinging sensation is the primary deterrent to any repeat in behavior, so the idea is to keep that sensation intense as long as possible to serve as the strongest reminder possible for the submissive partner to get their behavior corrected.  It’s this exact pain that gets the submissive partner thinking before they act in the future.  Depending on the severity of the spanking, this initial intense stinging/burning sensation will naturally subdue on it’s own anywhere between 30-60 minutes after the spanking, which is the ideal time frame.

Earlier we suggested there IS an appropriate time after a spanking to begin rubbing the buttocks.   That time is after that intense initial burning/stinging sensation from a spanking goes away.  Generally speaking that’s somewhere between 30-60 minutes after the spanking, but the submissive partner will still be in pain and/or uncomfortable for several hours.  Having said that, if the submissive partner requests to rub their buttocks, or requests that the HoH rub their buttocks after the spanking, we recommend this only be allowed/done after 60 minutes of time has elapsed after the final strike of the spanking.  This time frame ensures the intense sensation is gone, and thus the rubbing now acts as a comforting gesture rather than a pain-reduction tactic.

We’ve stated repeatedly on this website that the comforting after a spanking is very important, and the rubbing of the buttocks can be part of the comforting process, however we only recommend it be a part of that process after a minimum of 60 minutes time has elapsed to achieve the best overall long-term results.

It’s not easy to refrain from rubbing the buttocks after a spanking.  If this is a problem for a couple, we recommend there be a punishment administered if the HoH does not allow rubbing afterward.  What that punishment is would ultimately be determined by the head of the household.

© 2012 Learning Domestic Discipline