We have another wonderful guest post to share with you for this week’s Saturday Stories article. What makes this entry special and unique is that it touches on not one but two challenges that people face when it comes to domestic discipline – talking to a loved one about the living the lifestyle, and approaching your spouse about bringing domestic discipline into your marriage. Two things that are NOT easy to do.
Our guest post submission this week is from a woman named Michelle, and she talks about her thoughts when going through both of those challenges. This post is one that we’re sure many can relate to, and we’re excited and honored to feature it this week. If you’d like to write an article to be featured on Learning Domestic Discipline’s Saturday Stories column, you can read more about doing so here, or you can email your submission to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The following article was written entirely by Michelle. We have not manipulated, edited, or added to her words in any way, shape, form, or fashion.
I first heard of domestic discipline through my sister who bravely shared her story of domestic discipline with me about a year ago. My initial reaction was like most at first- “what the hell?” and I tossed it aside as an idea I would never even consider, much less would my husband consider.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. The past 7 years have had ups and downs but thankfully I can say mostly “ups”. However, when we’re on a “down” (so to speak) it seems like we’re really down- fighting, yelling, threatening divorce, getting a hotel room for the night, ignoring for days. Our fights would get ugly.
I started to notice that our arguments would primarily start due to our drastically different views on money, and usually escalate with my need to always have the last word. What my husband considered fine to spend money on, I totally disagreed, and vice versa. He wouldn’t take charge of the finances, I didn’t want to take charge, and so we both tried to do it simultaneously and that would make the situation worse.
While my sister was visiting one weekend she witnessed a portion of one of our arguments about money. Thankfully that argument was small, compared to most, but nevertheless she saw it. She, once again, mentioned domestic discipline and I don’t know if it was because it was the heat of the moment, or because I was so upset following that argument that I wasn’t thinking straight, but I actually agreed to hear her out.
She didn’t go into much detail, only the basics of it, but it got me curious as to whether or not this would really help us. So, I started researching. A few weeks later, I felt convinced that this really would help my husband and I. It may not eliminate our struggle over the finances, but I felt it would at least decrease it, and that alone was worth it to me.
But, when it came time to actually bring the idea of domestic discipline up to my husband I completely freaked out. I actually tried to have the conversation 3 or 4 times with him but would stop after “Can I talk to you about something kind of serious?” and then quickly change the topic to whatever the first thing I thought of was- weather, weekend plans, kids schedules, etc. Thankfully he never caught on.
Finally, one night at about midnight, I mustered up the courage to mention it to him. I convinced myself that the worst that could happen is he says no way, and thinks I’m completely crazy. If that occurred, I would resort to telling him it was something I saw on TV, or heard about online and brush it off like it was nothing. After all, my sister had sworn me to secrecy about the fact she practiced it, so I couldn’t exactly use that as a “testimonial” of sorts.
The night I told my husband started out as I rehearsed in my head close to 10 times already. “Can I talk to you about something important?” to which he replied “sure, of course”. I told him I had something that might help our arguments but before I could continue I could tell, already, that this wasn’t going to be easy because he replied with “we don’t even argue that much…this better not be marriage counseling or something totally blown out of proportion!”.
I explained to him that it wasn’t marriage counseling, but instead was something we could do ourselves, without the intervention of a counselor or financial planner. Since we had recently watched the movie Fireproof he asked it if was The Love Dare. I told him no, but after I blurted it out I immediately thought “crap, there went my one chance to totally back out of telling him about domestic discipline! I could have said yes!”
I finally blurted out that it was called domestic discipline and crammed about 15 minutes worth of information into one few minute strand in which I barely stopped to take a breath. When I was done, he asked me to repeat a few things, and had a lot of questions which I had expected. In the end, I totally expected him to rant on about how crazy it was. Instead, he sat silent.
After about a minute or two he asked “Is this serious?” and I didn’t know how to respond. A part of me wanted to say “yes, so please try it!” but another part of me thought “no it was a joke! Funny right? Ok let’s resume life like normal!” so we could just move on. I just couldn’t read which way he was thinking- crazy, or good? So, instead of answering, I just sat there silent for a few seconds.
Thankfully he didn’t make me answer and instead said “Let me think about it” and with that we went to bed.
Days went by and he didn’t say anything. It was heavily on my mind, but maybe it wasn’t on his? Finally, one afternoon while our kids were at a birthday party he randomly said “let’s give it a try”. I was stunned. Excited, happy, nervous, curious- and stunned.
From that day forward we haven’t looked back. It has only been a few months now, but our marriage is already stronger than ever. It’s been an adjustment for him (mainly putting his foot down) and for me (mainly letting go of the money control) but we are both happier than ever.
I wanted to write this entry so that those struggling with what I once did (talking to my husband about domestic discipline) can see that it’s definitely scary, but it can work out ok. I know my story isn’t like everyone’s, but I believe and hope that those wishing to talk to their husbands about domestic discipline can find comfort in knowing that it is something everyone experiences and you may truly be surprised at the results. But, you never know until you try!
Michelle’s story goes to show just how difficult it can be to talk to your spouse/partner about domestic discipline. But, it also goes to show that the reaction you might be expecting to hear may not be the one you actually get. Excellent article, Michelle, and kudos to you for having the courage to talk to your husband about starting the domestic discipline lifestyle. It’s sounds like you’re glad you did!
Michelle, if you’d like to write again for LDD, you know how to contact us. We’d be honored to feature your work in the future.
Again, if you would like to write an article to be featured on Learning Domestic Discipline’s Saturday Stories, you can learn more about how to do so by clicking here. You can also email your submission to email@example.com. We look forward to featuring your work!