stressedspankings

  Over the past several months, we’ve made a couple of references to “stress relief spankings” on the blog, but we’ve yet to elaborate on them.  We figured we should probably do that so readers (particularly those new to the domestic discipline lifestyle), know exactly what they are and how they work.  It’s important we cover them here at Learning Domestic Discipline, so that’s what we’re going to do!

  Rather than offer tips, suggestions, and step-by-step breakdowns on how we recommend stress relief spankings be conducted (as we traditionally do on technical spanking posts), we felt the best approach with stress relief spankings is to explain how we personally do them in our own marriage, why we do them, and how they work for us.  We’re doing that because, in all honesty, the way we would recommend stress relief spankings be conducted from a technical standpoint would not differ much from A) how we personally conduct them, and B) how we recommend spankings be administered (as outlined in past posts).

  Just for completeness of this article, here are some links to past spanking posts for those that may be new to the website.  They offer definitions, explanations, step-by-step breakdowns, tips, suggestions, etc. on how we recommend different types of spankings be conducted:

What are stress relief spankings and why are they done?

  Stress relief spankings are exactly what their name implies – they’re fairly light spankings intended to help alleviate excessive amounts of stress felt by one or both partners.  They’re conducted to calm situations down, offer a “release” of stress for one or both partners, and to bring a couple closer together on both physical and emotional levels.

How often are stress relief spankings administered?

  Stress relief spankings are conducted on an as-needed basis, so the answer to this question will be different for every couple that conducts them.  One couple may do them once every couple of weeks.  Another may do them once every couple of months.  There’s no definitive answer to this question since couples will experience high levels of stress inconsistently, and at random points throughout their lives. 

How do stress relief spankings differ from maintenance spankings?

  Maintenance spankings typically operate on some type of schedule for a couple, and are much more consistently conducted.  Stress relief spankings don’t operate on a schedule, but rather an as-needed basis.  For example, a couple may choose to do maintenance spankings every other week without exception.  That same couple may only do stress relief spankings once every three months (on average). 

  Maintenance spankings also serve a different primary purpose.  Maintenance spankings are typically conducted to quite literally “maintain” the behavior of the submissive partner.  They’re typically done to remind the submissive partner to follow the rules at all times.  They keep the rules fresh on the mind of the submissive partner and help to prevent future major rule infractions.  Maintenance spankings are also done to reinforce the roles that the couple has chosen for each partner in the relationship.  With stress relief spankings, as their name implies, the primary purpose is to simply calm things down for a couple and relieve stress.

  It is fair to say, however, that there are similarities between the two.  They’re both considered to be “light” spankings and they both help bring a couple closer together on physical and emotional levels.  Stress relief spankings can be used to reinforce roles, just as maintenance spankings sometimes do for couples.

How are stress relief spankings conducted?

  As we said earlier, we feel the best approach is to discuss how we personally conduct stress relief spankings in our marriage rather than offer our recommendations.  The following is how we, Clint and Chelsea, personally do stress relief spankings.  If you’d like to use this as an outline for stress relief spankings in your own relationship, by all means please feel free to do so.

  For us, stress relief spankings are only done at the request of my wife (Chelsea).  I don’t ever initiate them.  Sure, I feel excessive amounts of stress at times just as my wife does, but my first response to that is never to spank my wife.  That just isn’t how I personally choose to handle my stress, nor is it the way I want to handle my stress.  So again, for us, the only time we do stress relief spankings is when my wife specifically requests them (obviously at times when she’s overly stressed).

  Before we go to our bedroom to carry out the stress relief spanking, we usually sit down together and discuss everything that’s causing her stress.  My wife handles stress well, so for it to get to this point, typically it’s a result of a number of things piling up at once.  That compounds the problem and naturally creates a great deal of stress for her.  So, we get everything that’s stressing her out on the table, we discuss it all at length, and we create a plan (or a course of action) together on how we want to proceed.  First things first.

  We then go to our bedroom, just as we do with any other spanking situation, and get ready to conduct the spanking.  The tone is very light.  There’s no lecture (since there’s no infraction), there’s no sternness from myself or anything like that — it’s very casual and relaxed for both of us.  I usually just use my hand to spank with (sometimes a wooden spoon), and we conduct the stress relief spanking OTK, bare-bottomed.

  I strike maybe 5 or 6 times, then stop and rub her bottom for a minute or two.  As I rub, I’m usually offering reassurance to her in some form (“Everything is fine…”, “We just need to take things one step at a time…”, “We’ll work together to get things done…”, etc.).  I then strike 5 or 6 times again, and stop to rub again.  I repeat this pattern four or five times and that’s it.  Stress relief spanking over. 

  We then do our aftercare thing for several minutes and carry on about our day.

From Clint:

  The first time we did this, I was unsure it would really help either one of us.  I thought spanking my wife would contribute to her stress, not relieve it.  But, since she’s the one that requested to be spanked to help her with her stress, I figured it must do something for her, so I agreed to it.  

  The next day I saw how much more upbeat my wife was, and how much happier she was.  I think she felt better knowing that we had a plan to address everything that was stressing her out.  I think she also took comfort in knowing that I was there to help her through it all, even if it meant spanking her (which is something I don’t enjoy doing).  I think the spanking helped calm her down, I think it helped take pressure off of her, and I think it helped to clear her mind.  Those reasons are why I now see value in stress relief spankings, and those reasons are why they’re now a part of our domestic discipline practices.  Seeing her less stressed makes me less stressed.  They work for us, and they’re a win-win for us.

From Chelsea:

When I first heard of the stress-relief spanking concept I was pretty neutral on it. I basically took the stance of “not something that would work for us, although I’m sure it works for some couples.” But, as time went on, I feel like my life became more and more stressful with things like moving, and much more. I constantly feel like there’s never enough hours in the day. And, by nature, I always try to take on way more than I can handle when it comes to things. So, I figured, why not give stress relief spankings a shot and then make a decision as to whether or not to keep them, or ditch them.

I was nervous to bring up the idea to Clint, at first, but (like everything) he actually took it really well and agreed it was something we could try. After we did, I could immediately feel the difference and I think any couple who incorporates stress relief spankings into their relationship knows what I mean. It gave me a different outlet of handling my stress instead of bottling everything up, crying, getting overwhelmed and breaking down.

We don’t do stress relief spankings often (which is good, because despite the fact that they work, I hate being spanked) but when we do, there is a definite improvement. I also feel like they help me to avoid punishment spankings in the sense that my stress doesn’t turn into inappropriate behavior (me breaking rules, back talking, etc.) and instead is handled in a more constructive way. So, needless to say, it’s a win-win situation.

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   So that’s how stress relief spankings work for us and why we choose to do them.  As you can see, we’re strong supporters of them, but as always, we encourage couples discuss stress relief spankings together to determine if they’re right for them and their relationship.  Please feel free to share any thoughts or ask any questions in the comments section below.

© 2013 Learning Domestic Discipline