I’m a Submissive Wife

I’m a Submissive Wife


Like the term domestic discipline, the term submission means different things to different people. The dictionary defines submission as two things (that would work in this context). The first is “the condition of being submissive, humble or compliant” and the second is “the act of submitting to the authority or control of another.”

Submission can often times be one of the biggest challenges for the submissive partner in a domestic discipline relationship. I think, especially when beginning domestic discipline, some people assume that being submissive means a total lifestyle change, as well as a total mindset change. While that may hold true for some domestic discipline relationships, it can also be a big misunderstanding as to what the submissive aspect of domestic discipline truly entails.

I wanted to share with you a little bit about how submission in my marriage works. Please keep in mind that everyone practices domestic discipline different, and as I stated earlier, but my hope is that this short “essay” (if you will) will help others who are new to domestic discipline, or struggling with the submissive aspect, understand a little deeper about one way that submission can work for you (and, I promise, it’s not that hard!).

As many of you know, prior to becoming a mom (fyi – greatest day of my life) I was what some would consider a “career woman.” I went to college, grad school, part of med school, I worked in a few different settings (including the emergency room) and more. Being submissive to anyone just wasn’t in my blood. In fact, I thought the term submissive meant to do everything someone told you to, without thinking twice about it. The way my life was going, I was often in charge (in both home, work, and school settings) so being submissive to anyone just would never work. Or so I thought.

When I met my husband I gained a whole new outlook on what the word submissive meant. In some ways, I think I was submissive to him prior to the term domestic discipline even being introduced in our marriage. I became submissive because I developed a desire to make him happy. I’m not saying that by not being submissive he would have been mad (or anything like that) but what I am saying is it was just a natural feeling that came over me and his reaction to it was positive (like I think any man’s would be).

But in all other aspects of life, and towards all other people, I didn’t have any signs of submission. This isn’t to say that the “road to submission” was always easy, because there are definitely times when it wasn’t. It can be hard to turn over the control, or the power, to your spouse and essentially just “sit back”. But, I think it’s even harder, or more stressful, for someone to try to give up control in all areas. I think so many people who want to be the submissive partner in a domestic discipline relationship get caught up on making themselves into a submissive person, not necessarily just focusing on submitting to one person (their spouse, partner, and/or HOH).

I’m a submissive wife but I’m not necessarily a submissive person if that makes sense. I’m submissive to my husband only. Because of that, I’m constantly in a mindset where I’m submissive in my marriage, but not in other avenues of life such as planning playgroup events, work (when I was working), etc. Some refer to this “movement” as “wifely submission” (if it’s the wife who is the submissive partner) and others just refer to it as “submitting in their marriage”. But, regardless of the term you use, I want everyone to know that being submissive does not have to mean transforming yourself into a submissive person in all avenues of life. The task of that can be overwhelming for a lot of domestic discipline wives. In fact, a popular question we’re often asked is “I want to be submissive but I just can’t. What advice do you have?” and this is a part of that advice that I often give out- start small. Don’t feel like you need to totally transform everything about yourself.

To wrap this up, submission is an often misunderstood topic, especially in domestic discipline. A great site, Girls Gone Wise, did a post a few years back called “7 Misconceptions About Submission“. Although some of it is Biblical based, the message can translate well into people of all religions. I highly recommend reading it (it’s not long, I promise). Also, if you’re interested in learning more about submission in your marriage, there’s a book I highly recommend called The Surrendered Wife. I’m actually getting ready to read it again (for the second time) so more information or a more in-depth look at the book may be coming soon to the blog.

Have a wonderful (and safe!) 4th of July to all our American readers and, as always, a thank you to our troops both home and overseas who are fighting so hard for our freedom to be able to practice and believe in things such as domestic discipline. Please keep them in your thoughts as you celebrate tomorrow.

© 2013 Learning Domestic Discipline



  1. Thanks this information was very helpful , I am very Submissive when it comes to David however I struggle in being submissive in other aspects of my life in general

  2. I don’t think being submissive even means being submissive in all aspects of marriage. It seems so many believe being submissive means submitting in everything and while that may work for some, it wouldn’t for others. I’m submissive to my husband in some things, but not everything, as he has no interest in controlling certain areas of my life. I also think that is why some men, when approached with the idea of DD, are hesitant – they think it means they become some kind of micro-manager and that doesn’t appeal to them.

  3. Oh Chelsea, this was a fabulous post! Wonderful explanation about submission. I am currently a submissive fiancée and plan to soon be a submissive wife in the not too distant future, as Mister and I have been getting along in the best aspects! Fingers crossed!

    P.S. Have you considered publishing a book? I think it’d be great for you and Clint and many others. Especially, after that madness with the article. Just an encouraging thought for you :D


  4. Chelsea,

    This post needs to be read by everyone interested in DD. I love the way you said that you are a submissive wife, but not a submissive person in the many other things you do. I so support this attitude. You support your hubby and remain true to asset yourself in all the other areas of your life.

  5. Hello everyone, my Husband and I recently started DD and so far I’ve seen tremendous positive changes in our relationship.knowing how I am I’ve even surprised my self as to how much I am enjoying this lifestyle in a holistic mannern its like we’ve gotton married all over again,we have tapped into an aspect of our relationship that has helped us bond and come alive,Clint and Chelsea your site and blog are very helpful to us and I hope you all will continue this program you are indeed reaching and teaching…..transforming lives. “Totally his”

  6. Beautifully explanation !!!
    I’m submissive to my husband, we talk for a long time about that .
    Our life change a lot , but couple months ago , he real punish me , not in bad way, i didnt realize how direspectfull i was to him in front of his friends.
    He never did that before, but he sat with ne and explain, before things go out of cobtrol we slould have a real domestic discipline.
    He uses a belt a 50 times very hard , after that I never did again.
    My question is , if this happen again ,
    I should the punish or stop him?
    Please help me, been marriage 15 years, I love my lifestyle, .

  7. Hi,
    Thanks for sharing. I get what you are saying by submissive wife and not as a person. I am a career woman too but my problem is i have been longing for a submissive life since now 10 years. My husband is a very loving person and i have often expressed my feeling to be his sub. I am disrespectful towards him at times coz of daily pressure but I would love him to discipline me and show me my limits. Waht can I do??

  8. Hi,
    I get what you say. I am a career woman too but striving harder these days than ever to submit to my husband. Am longing to be that perfect sumissive wife. He has disciplined me a few times but I would love to have him give me chore list and also have him take more control. I wold love to have him require certain routine from me like get up early, have his breakfast ready, daily massage his body ect.. What can i do??

  9. For me, submission to my husband is a way to make it work. So, what is “it”? It is the lifestyle, juggling my job and my children, and it does not work if i do not submit to my husband’s direction (he is a great planner!) so like you said, it is not because failure to submit makes him angry, but giving him control makes my life easier and better! is it so bad to admit it? I have a college degree and am not a stupid woman, but this arrangement works best for us.

  10. I maybe the luckiest women alive. I landed an Asian millionaire without knowing he was wealthy (long story), very considerate, kind, and HANDSOME. I had serious competition but WON 75% of his heart right away when he heard the words that I will only fully submit to my future husband’s needs, wants, and desire. I have only been over ruled by him twice in 11 years (I was fully in the wrong but was too emotionally unreasonable at the time). He treats me LIKE HIS GUIDING LIGHT. A man will treat us woman with the up most respect when we know our place (an inch below our man).

  11. I am new to being a submissive we wife. My husband and I have had a difficult relationship. Communication has been a serious problem. We realized what has been missing in our marriage. It hadn’t been Christ centered. We are working in changing this and see big improvement already but would appreciate any advice. My husband is having difficulty finding any information to help him understand his role.