When it comes to addressing the HoH in a domestic discipline relationship as “Sir”, opinions seem to range all over the board. In our experience, we’ve heard everything from, “I don’t require it at all from my partner,” to “I only require it of my partner in punishment situations,” to “if my partner does not address me as Sir, I consider that to be blatant disrespect, which is something I absolutely spank for.” It may be one extreme or the other (or somewhere in between) when it comes to the usage of “Sir” in any given domestic discipline relationship.
Like maintenance spankings, our personal opinion of “Sir” is very neutral. It’s not something we outwardly recommend HoHs require of their partners, but it isn’t something we discourage HoHs from requiring of their partners, either. The fact of the matter is that “Sir” is part of the lifestyle, and despite our neutrality on the term, there are benefits from its usage.
Addressing an HoH (or any authority figure, for that matter) as “Sir” is widely acknowledged as a respectful gesture in the United States. We’ve only been outside of the U.S. minimally, and we don’t regularly talk with many international couples, so we cannot speak intelligently on the international use of the term “Sir.” But, here in the United States, it’s considered to be respectful and unassuming, which are good things. (Perhaps international readers can express how “Sir” is viewed in their country in the comments section below.)
In a punishment/lecture situation, the submissive partner addressing the HoH as “Sir” also illustrates a heightened amount of attentiveness from them. It shows that they aren’t just hearing their HoH talk/lecture, they’re actually listening to them, meaning their words are genuinely resonating – they’re not just going in one ear and out the other. The submissive partner saying “Yes Sir,” or “I understand Sir,” shows that the submissive partner is listening to their HoH attentively, it shows that they’re truly comprehending everything said, and it shows that they’re taking the discussion seriously. All of that in addition to showing the HoH respect. More good things.
If the submissive partner struggles with taking a lecture situation seriously, the HoH may want to consider requiring their partner to address them as “Sir” during these times. It would certainly help the submissive partner to focus on the discussion at hand. Something to think about.
Those are pretty universal pros to the usage of the term “Sir.” The potential cons are a little more tricky since the reasons for disliking the term “Sir” differ with every couple.
Being addressed as “Sir” may be uncomfortable for an HoH, or the submissive partner may be uncomfortable with using the term. The submissive partner may even make a mockery of “Sir” and use it at inappropriate times in a sarcastic, condescending tone, making a bad situation worse. The cons could be any number of things, and, as we said, differ with every couple. For some couples these cons are a reality and thus keep them from using the term “Sir” in their domestic discipline relationship.
One last thought that we feel is relevant to this topic – “Sir” seems to be regional in its usage as well. Here in the United States (again, we can’t speak intelligently about it’s international use), the term “Sir” is considered to be a “southern thing”, meaning the majority of its usage occurs in the southeast portion of the country, or by people that have ties to that general area. Where addressing the HoH as “Sir” may be a way of life for a couple in Alabama, it also may be a completely foreign concept to a couple in California. The point being that any given couple may have never even heard of such a thing solely based on their location.
For more information about “Sir” and it’s origins and all that fun stuff, here’s the link to the Wikipedia page of “Sir.”
It’s an interesting topic that carries many different opinions and points of view. For your specific relationship, we think there’s only one question left:
To “Sir”, or Not To “Sir?”
© 2012 Learning Domestic Discipline