What is Domestic Discipline?

If you look on 10 different domestic discipline websites, you’ll probably find 10 different definitions as to what exactly domestic discipline is.  It’s a difficult topic to define since it means something a little different to every couple, but this is how we at Learning Domestic Discipline define domestic discipline:

  Domestic discipline is the practice between two consenting life partners in which the head of the household takes the necessary measures to achieve a healthy relationship/marriage dynamic; the necessary measures to create a healthy home environment; and the necessary measures to protect all members of the family from dangerous or detrimental outcomes by punishing the contributing, and thus unwanted, actions and behaviors for the greater good of the entire family.  In addition to punishing the unwanted actions and behaviors, the head of the household is also responsible for rewarding the positive actions and behaviors in an effort to reinforce them for the greater good of the entire family.  The head of the household is ALWAYS to do this in a very safe, loving, healthy, controlled, and composed manner.

That’s a mouthful.  There is a lot of information included within that definition.  If fact, just so we’re perfectly clear, we’re going to break down our definition and go into even further detail.

A) Domestic discipline is the practice between two consenting life partners… – Domestic discipline is generally practiced among married couples.  We chose to use the term “life partners” since we feel practicing domestic discipline is acceptable between two people that know they’ll spend the rest of their lives together.  That could mean married, engaged, dating, or even partners living together for numerous years.  And, of course, this practice and lifestyle absolutely MUST be consensual between both partners.  We cannot stress that point enough.

B) …the head of the household takes the necessary measures to achieve a healthy relationship/marriage dynamic; the necessary measures to create a healthy home environment; and the necessary measures to protect all members of the family from dangerous or detrimental outcomes by punishing the contributing, and thus unwanted, actions and behaviors for the greater good of the entire family. – It is the head of the household’s “job” to protect the family from harm, even if it means protecting them from themselves.  The HoH must protect them not only in the physical sense, but in the emotional, spiritual, and financial senses as well.  It is the HoHs duty to keep the family on the right track for a safe, stable, constructive, and happy future.  The HoH is the leader.  The HoH sets the example for the rest of the family.  If that means punishing dangerous or detrimental actions and behaviors in order to achieve those things, then so be it.  This is the essence of what domestic discipline is all about.  A common misconception about this lifestyle is that the HoH is always male, and that simply isn’t the case.  The HoH can be either male or female.  It all depends on what a couple feels would work best for them.

C) In addition to punishing the unwanted actions and behaviors, the head of the household is also responsible for rewarding the positive actions and behaviors in an effort to reinforce them for the greater good of the entire family. – Often forgotten within domestic discipline is the need to reward the positive behaviors as well.  This responsibility again falls directly on the head of the household’s shoulders.  Reinforcing positive actions and behaviors will increase the likelihood of those actions and behaviors repeating, which is always a good thing in any situation.

D) The head of the household is ALWAYS to do this in a very safe, loving, healthy, controlled, and composed manner. – Never ever is domestic discipline to be done while the head of the household is angry or upset.  Never.  Yes, the dangerous or detrimental actions and behaviors can be upsetting, but the HoH must ALWAYS punish while composed, calm, and in complete control of their emotions and actions.  This practice is always to be done in a loving manner, and never in an uncontrolled manner.

This isn’t an easy thing to start in any relationship/marriage, but we believe that once you and your partner begin practicing domestic discipline, you won’t be able to imagine your lives without it.

© 2011 Learning Domestic Discipline